Forgiveness
by CocoDisney
Summary: Everyone has forgiven Bismuth. But can Bismuth forgive herself?


(Note: I don't own _Steven Universe_ or any of its characters. They all belong to Rebecca Sugar.)

**I'm back! With the promised Bismuth fic! This doesn't hold any connection to my previous one.**

**This also takes place after "Change Your Mind".**

**Enjoy!**

"_You left me no __**choice**__!" Bismuth screamed as she brought her shapeshifted hammer down onto the traitor in front of her, Steven jumping out of her target. Little did anyone know, there was another Bismuth nearby, watching the battle in horror._

"_No! Stop! Listen to him!" She cried, but no one heard. Tears pooled in her eyes as she was forced to be a bystander at the fighting in front of her. Why, oh why, did she have to relive this memory? It was bad enough feeling guilt. _

_She continued to watch her past self battle Steven, who was a completely innocent person. If only she knew that then. Her guilt soon overwhelmed her, bringing her down to her knees, sobbing with remorse, face buried in her hands._

_Present-Bismuth then looked up to find past-Bismuth begging Steven to use the Breaking Point on her, to his refusal. The rainbow gem then tried to finish him off once and for all, only to get impaled by Rose Quartz's sword. _

_Then, something strange happened. Instead of Bismuth realizing Steven wasn't Rose and poofing, the volcanic scenery and Steven gave way to darkness, but both Bismuths remained. Past-Bismuth then walked over to her present counterpart, an evil glare in her eyes, the sharp weapon still inserted into her._

"_You shoulda just finished him off the first chance you got._" _She sneered, somehow towering over the other Bismuth, who was shaking with fear._

"_No…_" _she whimpered._

Was this what I looked like to Steven back then? _Present-Bismuth thought._

_Past-Bismuth let out a malicious chuckle, the reformed Bismuth noticing that her pupils were thin slits._

"_Rose Quartz is still in him. Every part of her must be destroyed!"_

"_No! Don't you see? Rose was Pink Diamond. When she faked her shattering, everything went downhill. That would've happened sooner had I succeeded."_

"_So what? You'll still get your revenge!" As the evil gem said that, a copy of Steven appeared, frozen as a statue. Past-Bismuth took out the dreaded Breaking Point and walked towards him. The good Bismuth reached out. "No! Don't do it!"_

"_You can't even stand it when I try to shatter a fake target, huh? Didn't you try to make him do the same thing?"_

"_Stop...please." Bismuth wanted nothing more than to bash her past counterpart's head. She tried shapeshifting her hand into a hammer, but it didn't work. She was left utterly powerless. She glanced up to find that the other Bismuth was about to use the Breaking Point on the Steven target. Without thinking, she raced up and jumped right in the weapon's path._

"_No!"_

"No!"

Bismuth shot straight up on the couch, gasping for breath, something wet trailing down her cheek.

She grabbed at her head, trying to shake the terrible memories away, grunting.

"Bismuth?"

The large gem turned sharply to find Steven in his pajamas, gazing at her with a sleepy, yet concerned look. How relieved she was to see him, alive and well!

Steven examined his friend. She looked...awful. There were large bags under her eyes, her hair was disheveled and sticking out in all directions, and her clothing was rumpled and twisted.

"Are you okay?"

Bismuth didn't say anything in response, instead letting out a great cry and rushing over to the boy, picking him up and hugging him tightly.

Steven was surprised at the amount of affection Bismuth was suddenly showing. He also noticed that she was shaking like a leaf, and his shirt was becoming damp.

"Bismuth?"

The grey being looked up to see Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst standing near the couch. The purple quartz gem had a blanket and a pillow, and was very annoyed about being woken up.

Quickly putting Steven down, Bismuth faced her other friends. Garnet and Pearl both looked very worried.

"Bismuth? We heard you shouting. Did you have a nightmare?" Pearl asked.

The rainbow gem grabbed her tattooed arm. "Maybe."

Steven, being familiar with nightmares, came up to her. "Can we help?"

Help was the one thing Bismuth desperately wanted. "I don't know how you can help, but sure." Bismuth's eyes darted to the window. "Can we go outside?"

The others silently complied, except for Amethyst. "If you don't mind, I'd love to help, but all I want to do is sleep. Goodnight." The warrior said as she went back to bed.

The remaining Crystal Gems went onto the porch. It was a dark, clear night, the sky studded with twinkling stars. The waves of the ocean crashing against the beach were the only sound.

The chilly air was a great comfort to Bismuth. While she loved heat, sometimes coolness could be soothing as well.

"So, are you going to talk?" Steven asked, breaking the trance.

Bismuth turned to him. "I just wanna know something first. Do you guys really forgive me?"

"Of course we do. Why?"

"It's just...I still haven't really forgiven _myself_. My nightmare had something to do with that. I...I was forced to relive my memories all over again!" Bismuth wailed, leaning against the railing. "I just wanna forget, but I can't do that. I can't change the past. I feel more guilty than ever. The events we've been through recently have helped take my mind off it, but it's crashing down on me right now. Why can't the past just _die_!"

A cascade of tears rained down her face as she wept with guilt. The other gems looked at each other, each feeling sympathy. Garnet put her hand on her shoulder.

"Bismuth, you are right. You can't change the past. But dwelling on it isn't good for you. You have to move on. Stay in the present, so you can continue into the future."

"How am I supposed to do that?!" Bismuth bawled.

"It's never easy. Especially if you're alone. But you're not alone, Bismuth. You have us and the rest of your old friends. You don't have to be doing this by yourself."

Bismuth swiped at her tears so she could get a better view of her friends. The friends she felt she didn't deserve.

"Why did you even forgive me? I can't find any reason I should be forgiving myself, so why should you?"

"Because," Pearl stepped up. "You were angry. Rose wasn't exactly the perfect leader, so anyone would be crushed to learn that their idol wasn't who they thought they were. You thought you, as someone living on their own free will, could do whatever you wanted. War can also build up hate and grudges. This combination blinded you to the consequences you might face. You were also hurt that Rose lied about you to the rest of us. All of this is justifiable for your actions."

A small smile was now visible on Bismuth's face. The waterworks came back, only they were ones of joy. "What will I do without you guys?"

Steven grinned. "Feeling better?"

Bismuth nodded.

"For suggestions of how to help you deal with your guilt, I would recommend therapy with Garnet. It really helps." Steven offered.

"Okay."

Her heart lighter, Bismuth and the rest of the gems went inside. The former went back to the couch, and never once in the night was haunted by inner demons.

**Sorry if I made Bismuth seem weak. But then again, she's not a stereotypical tough girl, not afraid to show emotion in front of others. Besides, a nightmare can make you feel powerless and vulnerable.**

**Don't know if I'll write more ****_Steven Universe _****fanfiction. Guess I'll just have to keep watching it for more material.**

**Leave a review to tell me what you think of this! CocoDisney out!**


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